Funny things that float my way

We have finally made it to Friday, on a week that has been the longest…week…ever.  For a week where everyone has been buried in the DC area, it’s time for some humor (actually, to be fair, even though I had to work all week long, I’ve been enjoying the snow in my off time – bring on more of it!).

I get a lot of traffic from search engines – mostly by virtue of the sheer quantity of random stuff I blabber about.  The vast majority of folk (probably like you) come looking for various reviews. But many people also stumble in looking for certain topics like Chocolate Milk, the Boston Marathon or How Running Courses are measured.

But…within the 32,392 unique search inquiries that have landed people at my door step, there are some incredible gems.  Every so often when I have a spare moment of extreme boredom I’ll wander my way through the list.  It’s a really really really long list, so I usually scroll for a while, and then start typing in random keywords to see what little nuggets pop up.

Let’s start off with something a bit innocuous:

Sorry, but I most definitely can’t help you there.  I’m still looking for the secret to using the 405…

If you’re asking that, you’ve clearly come to the wrong place.  Because I firmly believe it’s quite good for you.  Have you not seen my detailed brownie fudge eat-off comparisons?  Nuff said.

Hmm…ok.  Are we talking a big shark, or a little shark?  Cause that’s important.  You don’t want to be the little fish in the seas.  Which leads right into:

Have you ever seen a fish swim into a wall?  Nope.  Never.  Fish don’t swim into walls, it’s in their genetic makeup – a line item that clearly says “Thou shall not swim into thy walls”.  Dude, even a 5th grader knows that.

Huh?  Really?  I don’t even know where to start on the Kenyan Goat Milk one.  Speaking of drinking:

Well, that one’s easy.  As my brother Ryan would say: That’s because you’re weak.  Like Ukraine.

The above sounds kinda kinky.  And what kind of bubbles are we talking about?  On the topic of kinky, these people were probably rather disappointed with where they ended up…

…but nowhere near as disappointed as these two folks probably are:

But, I can see where that 2nd one above comes from.  Remember this post?

Some of the searches were hits were someone went through pages and pages and pages of results and finally clicked to go to my little place on earth.  Like below:

(Speaking of which, I saw this earlier in the week – did you know they have Camel Beauty Pageants?!?!…Seriously.)

Animals seemed to keep coming up.  For example – I present you with:

Why?  Why on earth do you as a human need to know this?  Why are you searching for this information?  Even if you find them, do you expect ostrich balls to be the oracle of knowledge? I can think of no reason I’d ever need to know if ostriches (ostrichii?) have balls.  None.

On that particular rounded front, I also don’t recommend the following:

Of course, at the end of the day, someone knew exactly what to look for…

…but, you’re gonna to have to fight The Girl for that one.  And I’m relatively certain she’d win. 🙂

Have a good weekend all!

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